HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

I have to admit that I'm closer to the "end" than I am to the beginning and although I hope to have many more years there is a sense that I should make everyday count. Far from perfect, I am nevertheless grateful that time has brought me to a place where I am less angry, more forgiving and a little wiser about what's really important.

One of my darling granddaughters said to me a while back... "Grandma, how old will you be when you die?"  I laughed and said... 88  Eight has always been my lucky number so I figured double eight was even better. She seemed satisfied and trotted off to play.

Here's to another 23 years of enjoying this beautiful world! 

"ANNIE'S SONG"

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Thirty-three years ago today my miracle baby was born. After suffering the loss of a son, the yearning to be a mother again was so strong that I wanted a baby more than I wanted air.

The heavens opened and I was finally getting my wish. It had been a long hard road to this point and I knew there was a chance I might never do this again. I held on to every moment, even when the air conditioning went out and I sat with my feet in a bucket of ice water.

There was a popular John Denver song that tugged at me. I remember piecing a baby quilt, sewing tiny little squares together and singing along with the radio...

 "Annie's Song"

You fill up my senses like a night in the forest,

Like the mountains in springtime, like a walk in the rain,

Like a storm in the desert, like a sleepy blue ocean.

You fill up my senses, come fill me again.

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I felt so connected to that tiny unborn spirit... I must have sung that song a hundred times waiting for her birth.

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On July 29, 1981 I set my alarm for 3:00 am intent on watching Lady Diana marry Prince Charles.  I lay propped up on my pillows when suddenly she stretched and my water broke. Now the cheering from the crowds on the TV seemed to be for me... today we are having a baby.

Everything went like clockwork. With an epidural and a short three and a half hour labor my sweet baby girl was born. We named her... Annie

She was whisked off to the nursery and I was wheeled to my room. Before long, a nurse with a very puzzled look on her face, brought her to me and said ... "Your baby is singing" Indeed, I had heard her all the way down the hall. I held her close, her melody was ethereal and I already knew the lyrics.

 

Before my children were born I couldn't imagine who was coming... after, I couldn't imagine life without them.

MADONNA BADGER...

surviving the unthinkable

Its been two and a half years since Madonna Badger's life was forever altered by the unthinkable loss of her entire family. Now it seems she has found a little joy. Married last Tuesday, in her own words she declares... 

“We did it! Bill and I eloped today!” 

In the early morning hours of December 25, 2011 Madonna's house caught on fire and her three daughters Lilly (9) and twins, Sara and Grace (7) died. Both her parents perished in that same fire.

Engulfed by unbearable grief and labeled "crazy" by most of her mental health care workers, Madonna has not only managed to survive, but has now shared her story of love and loss, grief and resilience and her ultimate decision to keep living.

Without family, her friends rallied both physically and emotionally. As she slowly inched her way back to sanity there were moments that yielded profound insights. Here are a few points that she touches on...

Finding humor

Work gives purpose

 "She is still their mother, she is still their daughter"

A lot of hard work!

Filling your heart with love not bitterness

The tsunami cry

A spiritual connection

When darkness comes.

Not crazy... just sad

Allow healing 

Filling the hole inside 

 Even though we all have different experiences the journey toward healing is often parallel. Listen as Madonna explains how she ultimately filled the hole inside of her and reclaimed the "pieces" from her shattered life.

Madonna Badger... a remarkable woman of a certain age

Here is her story on TED TALKS.

"THE FLIGHT OF THE BUMBLEBEE"

The Bells on Temple Square

"The Flight of the Bumblebee" was composed by Rimsky Korsakov in 1899 for a Russian Opera. With its fast pace and quick tempo it usually takes about two minutes to complete. There are, however, violinist that have played it in less than a minute. Listen while the Bells on Temple Square perform this delightful piece.

HAVE A WONDERFUL SUNDAY

WHEN I'M FEELING BLUE!

This would make a great outdoor meditation retreat!

This morning I listened to an amazing women speak about recovering from a  profound loss. (I will save the details for another post.) Although I have not had the same experience that she had, many things struck a chord with me. One in particular was a question that she has been asked over and over... 

"What do you do on the bad days?"

As I have recovered from my shattered life (its been seven years now) I've noticed that although my highs and lows are not so dramatic, there are still times when out of no-where, anger, hurt, self-pity and despair return and I am left both surprised and clueless...

"I thought I was over this!"

I have found three things that help me on "bad days"  They might surprise you, you might even discount them, but for me they work.  Here's my backup plan.

I CLEAN - I know, that sounds strange, but I have learned over the years that if I clean something I miraculously feel better. On one "blue" day I tore the linen closet apart, scrubbed the surfaces, folded all the towels and linens and color co-ordinated them. After the closet began to look like it might be worthy of "pinterest" I added a scented candle and took a deep breath. A real sense of euphoria washed over me.  Why? I finally figured out that when I can't make order out of my emotional life, I make order out of my physical surroundings and it gives me a sense of control. Go figure ... it works for me.

I LEARN SOMETHING - When I am feeling blue I start reading, usually on the internet, searching for something I know nothing about. Its like a little game. The other day I was complaining about the late night music coming from the "dance" at the tennis courts in our city park. Ours is a small town geographically and the boom, boom of the bass went on until midnight.  My son turned to me and said... "Here's a physics lesson mom..."  Then he began to explain to me why I can hear the low sounds but not the high. It has to do with wave lengths, something I've never understood. Usually I just roll my eyes but this time I listened and to my surprise I understood what he was talking about.  Learning something "new" makes me feel YOUNG and always lifts my mood. 

I LISTEN TO TRUE STORIES -  When I listen to other peoples struggles I don't have to think about mine.  I just let myself get lost in the story and my problems seem to dissipate. Almost always I glean little "life lessons" takeaways that I can use on myself.

I bought the audio version of the book UNBROKEN  All 500 pages are recorded on 12 discs, so I have a lot of listening to do. Disc one drew me right in. Louis Zamperini's early childhood mirrored my fathers in so many ways. His struggles captivated me and I rode the wave as he went from an "untamed" beginning to a life with real focus. He had hope and that reminded me that there is hope for everyone... even me.

Am I crazy? Probably! But that's not the point. We all have struggles and we all have bad days.  The trick is to get ourselves up and over. Ask yourself the question... "What do you do when you are having a really bad day?"  Your answers might surprise you!

I was listening to Talk Radio the other day and someone asked... "Do you see the glass half empty or half full?"  The guest answered... "What does it matter? I have a pitcher full of water right here."

 THE NEW ROOM
"Fleurs de Provence"

I've been remodeling my house for a long time. The main floor is in pretty good shape now, but the upstairs... not so much. I'm working on it. It takes time and tons of money... so its a rather slow process! Here's a peek at my first completed bedroom...

I bought this print on All Posters.com It cost three times as much to frame it as it did to buy it... LOL  I like the "pop" of color

   This is a small bedroom but I managed this little settee in the corner.

Variegated throw - T J Maxx

Found a "killer" deal at Pottery Barn Kids on this grey desk and perused through 
TJ Maxx for accessories

The antique iron bed I have had for years.

Actually the floor length mirror and the two hydrangea wreaths came first. It was so different than anything I had and I was excited to break out of my rut! Before I even realized it I was in full blown lavender mode... not a color I ever thought I would use. Still, I'm pleased!

The BED... can you have too many pillow?  
 

Mirror - Pottery Barn

Dishes - Martha Stewart  

 

 Sheets - Pottery Barn Kids

Down Lavender pillows - TJ Maxx

Quilt - Target's "Shabby Chic" collection

 

Just three more bedroom, three baths and a family room to go.  All it takes is time and $$$

HAPPY 24TH OF JULY

The Mormon Tabernacle Choir and 

SANTINO FONTANA

The video actually starts at 1 min 48 seconds... not sure why :)

The Mormon Tabernacle Choir located in Salt Lake City performs locally once a week, tours national and international every couple of years and puts on special holiday concerts. 

In Utah, the 24th of July is also known and "Pioneer Day"  the day we celebrate the pioneers arriving in our valley. 

This concert was performed in conjunction with that celebration and includes the guest artist  SANTINO FONTANA. His amazing voice is a well known from the Broadway production of Cinderella and recently it has been celebrated as the voice of Prince Hans in the movie FROZEN. 

The concert, just over an hour, begins with a couple of pioneer songs and then explodes into a medley of Broadway and Disney favorites. The finale will blow you out of the water!

ENJOY!

Just one more little song... I'm in love with his voice!