"ALL THE KINGS HORSES AND ALL THE KINGS MEN... "
When my oldest grandson was not quite five he began to talk about divorce. No one is sure how it got started but he was upset for months. He was afraid that his parents were getting divorced. They reassured him over and over of their love for him, his siblings and for each other but he was still plagued.
He could feel that divorce was coming into his life but at his tender age he misplaced it. His parents weren't divorcing... his grandparents were. Because my oldest and his family live a few hours away, they were able to put off telling their children for a long time. They saw us both, just not at the same time. They were afraid of this little boy's reaction. When they did tell him they got what they expected... a tsunami of tears.
Divorce is hard and calling it a "death" is pretty accurate. It doesn't just affect the couple it effects the entire family. I thought because my children were adults that they would handle it easily. I couldn't have been more wrong. Each, in their own way, has walked through "hell" and still, eight years later, its the elephant in the room.
My grandchildren are always eager to tell me when they have seen grandpa and exactly what he did and said. That was painful for me for a long time until I realized what they were doing. In their little minds they are trying to reconnect us. Just two weekends ago little six year old Andy said to me...
"Grandpa is coming to our house... you know that man that's suppose to be your husband."
A little surprised, I just smiled.
Do I regret divorcing? No. Thirty-three years of living a lie was enough. But, having said that, when people confide in me that they are thinking of divorce I always tell them.
My grandchildren are always eager to tell me when they have seen grandpa and exactly what he did and said. That was painful for me for a long time until I realized what they were doing. In their little minds they are trying to reconnect us. Just two weekends ago little six year old Andy said to me...
"Grandpa is coming to our house... you know that man that's suppose to be your husband."
A little surprised, I just smiled.
Do I regret divorcing? No. Thirty-three years of living a lie was enough. But, having said that, when people confide in me that they are thinking of divorce I always tell them.
"You'd better think about this long and hard before you do it"
I know there are many times when it is an inevitability, but if there is anything to work with, any chance for change and a reconnection I would TAKE IT!
Now suddenly my "puddle" feels stagnant and I am surprised to find myself yearning for what I said I would never have again... a relationship with a man. Not a husband, just a friend... OK maybe a boyfriend... no just a friend. Even talking about it makes me queasy.
Knowing that if we stand still while the pendulum swings we might get hit, I'm not sure where to begin, not sure I can even begin...
